Why are girls so bitchy?

It's a sexist question that's bound to have a sexist answer, but one I've heard asked a lot. I know there's a better article about this somewhere, but here's the answer I gave on answers.com. I aimed to be as brief and plainspoken as possible, but the bot still flagged my answer as inflammatory and biased. Cue tongue in cheek swearing: WTF?!

I don't believe this is chiefly a female problem. Men and women have been known to get irate with each other once in a while. However, I do have a theory for why women *sometimes feel they are entitled to act disrespectfully and impolitely.*

Society has historically oppressed women; from a young age they are typically told that their looks are their greatest assets and they aren't given much confidence about their earning potential. This plays out in the adult world; women make less than men in almost every profession. What often consoles men and women and hides this inequality is the fact that our culture imposes a code of conduct on men requiring them to act gracefully and chivalrously with women. For example, men are supposed to open the doors for women, let the lady go first in line, etc.

I think over the years being tolerant of a woman's cranky moods got rolled into the chivalry act. Hollywood movies and the like depicted chivalrous men falling for impolite girls by finding their tantrums cute, smart and attractive. Take, for an example My Fair Lady or any other romantic comedy. Women started to figure that it's okay, maybe even cute for them to be impolite. But in truth, acting like a bitch and thinking its acceptable to do so further reproduces the inequality between men and women because cranky behavior gets typified as "woman behavior."

So lets just be courteous to everyone regardless of gender, yeah? And stop oppressing us, damn it!

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_mostly_female_like_to_show_anger_and_angry_at_the_male_without_a_polite_and_respect#ixzz1QWlB4RtC

Blog for one or blog for all?

Browsing other blogs on the 20sb network--and being unimpressed by some of them--got me thinking:

Should I blog for myself--as I largely have been--or should I blog for a community that has yet to take shape?

I DO NOT BLOG TO GET READERS--rather, I envision being in constant discussion with other curious, serious people and that's what I feel I haven't yet achieved. The purpose of this blog was to connect with other bloggers, but I'm really struggling with making that happen for a few reasons.

1. Bloggers are self-centered. They live for comments and self-validation but don't like to spend a lot of time giving shape to other bloggers' muck by way of feedback. I started this blog determined to be different, but networking with other bloggers can be tiresome until you've honed in on the few with common interests. I've found a few blogs that I genuinely enjoy reading--on these I comment and express genuine adoration. But they are operated by people who either get too many readers to care about connecting with me or have completely different subject interests.

2. My blog is boring. I don't mean that to provoke self-validating comments--trust me, I don't need to feel any more special than I already do. But I don't have any clear "hook" that would bring people back here unless they know me. I think my lack of readers comes from a lack of focus for the blog as a whole. I started off wanting to talk about politics a ton more, but I've been gravitating to personal issues because that's my main worry in life right now. Which brings me to my third point...

3. Personal issues are difficult for unknown bloggers to muster up a following around unless they're REALLY niche and resonate with readers in the same position--like abuse or weight-loss. I'm in a community of 20 somethings struggling with the same issues, but we all have extremely different ways of approaching our identity issues. It's staggeringly difficult to build a community around an issue as vague as launching into adulthood.


The only way I can make this blog do what I want it to do is if I unapologetically be myself. I have to blog for myself and risk boring everyone who doesn't know me so that I can at least find my voice. That will eventually help me find what I want to discover about the world. So to all bloggers who feel guilty about being self-centered, boring, or are wallowing in self-pity for not having followers: fuck it. You're here for yourself. This is your space to stutter and drone until you sing with a clear voice. Don't worry about the rest--just let it happen.

The Ex Spector

From time to time I find myself drifting into comparing the people I date with my exes. I think about how much better my new guy is for me than the last one was, how I wish new guy would have such-and-such quality that the ex had etc. It gets me stuck in a rut and I miss out on enjoying the person for who they are.

It's hard to escape it, especially if my date and I are with a group of friends who knew my ex and harp on how much they miss him. Yes, that happened, and I'm ashamed that I started it. But this is something I can fix quickly since I never had strong feelings for my ex.

According to this article the remedy is to live in the present instead of the past. The article outlines three "personalities" --Ladies X, Y and Z--who bring up their exes in various capacities; they either talk about his charms, his flaws, or just mindlessly allude to their moments together to fill gaps in the conversation. At different moments I have committed all three errors. Thinking about my ex and constantly comparing--even trying to become--my date's ex are products of not living in the present; they are attempts to live through the lens of my past

Living in the NOW is an integral part of getting through a quarter life crisis. It's a way of life that can give me direction professionally and personally. For an example:

He told me that he loves my passion for what I am studying. The truth is that while I'm passionate about Marxism and equality I'm also going through a phase where I'm finding out that I haven't been working very hard or productively for these causes, and I may not want to. I guess it is important for him to believe that no matter what I do, I'll be passionate and feel good about doing it. I no longer need to find myself, but I need to blaze my trail bit by bit every day. And I'm struggling very much with getting started. I don't think good intentions are enough to keep a guy as great as he is.

My solution is to live in the present moment, figure out the experiences I need right now and start blazing that trail. I'll have to work my ass off to make sure everything will come together. But if I do it right...hey, maybe it will.

My banner is shit: an explanation

My banner has a very juvenile quality. It's the Microsoft Paint equivalent of a 6-year-old's freestyle self portrait by way of crayons, colored pencils and color block stamps. Whatever. I meant for it to look that way. Kind of...

I'm no artist; I do not pour over making things presentable or in *carefully* conveying visual messages. I reserve that energy for writing, and even there I take a lot less care than I should.

So why did I bother to make my own banner?

1. I wanted to try it. It's a quick check to see if I had any knack for creating something on a very basic art program. I was inspired by the legendary comic Ali at hyperboleandahalf who creates magic with the paint program on her Mac. Clearly, I suck. It was a humbling experience that I may repeat just for fun. I actually used to draw during high school--my art teacher even encouraged me to join the magnet arts program. But I was never very motivated and my artistic energy died by the end of my junior year; I was tired of being upstaged by my more talented friends. Now, I'm facing my fear of failure, opening myself up for judgment, and will probably grow faster than was until now.

2. This blog needs a personal touch--even a half-assed childish one. Reading some of my entries, I tend to sound like an academic sometimes, and that's not a good thing. I occasionally sound stuffier than real academics like Lauren (though there's no reason she would ever sound stuffy since she has a background in creative writing). I could blame college; I haven't focused on developing my own voice since I wrote my first post for this blog in 2009. It has a more conversational tone than many of the posts that came after because I hadn't written many academic papers back then. Blogs are supposed to be conversational.

So yeah, my banner sucks. If you'd like to make me a new one, I'd take you up on it. Since no one is going to offer, I'll probably take a stab at creating my own again, but maybe not through Paint.

Lone female travelers

I'll be traveling through Los Angeles for four days next week by myself. I originally thought I could couch surf but I think I need to be more active in the local community for couchsurfing hosts to accept my requests. Right now I just kind of look like a crazy, selfish person with no friends who wants free accommodation. Couchsurfing is a safe community because most of the members have been vouched for by other members, so I feel little apprehension about asking to stay at a man's house. However, I just had a surf request denied by an experienced host. Though he was likely put off by my newness to the site and the fact that no one has vouched for me on my profile, my knee-jerk interpretation was that he was hinting a lone female traveler probably shouldn't request to stay in an unknown man's home.

Traveling by myself doesn't strike me as scary because I often travel alone (in fact, whenever I've traveled I've been alone). I love being independent and I firmly believe women can do anything if they don't let others stop them. Being afraid of being on our own is a product of oppression, I think. We have to fight that fear. We have to not let others instill self-doubt or stop us from realizing our independence.

But people have tried.

My mother reduced me to tears last year when I told her I wanted to spend a weekend in New York City by myself. "You haven't proven to me that you're ready to do this," she said, among other baseless assaults on my intelligence and maturity that I have never under any other context heard her say. After I pulled myself together I realized that she was only saying that to keep me safe; the thought of me traveling alone scares her a great deal more than it scares me.

I think my independence might be considered foolhardy by others, but there is no better way to gain independence and self confidence than by letting ourselves be open and vulnerable to others (...who have been vouched for). My request was probably denied because I have yet to prove to people in my own community that I am worthy of others' hospitality. But as I travel I'll wonder if others are doubting me because I am young, female and on my own.

If you are a female traveler, please share your thoughts!

Bloggerstock~

Thanks to Nyx for this fantastic bloggerstock post!! Mine will be on Syrah's as soon as I finish it.




The prompt was to respond to a picture, that I can't link to at the moment. I'll have it up here asap. Just belive me when I say this story captures the mood and content beautifully!

Hey all, Nyx here. This month’s bloggerstock was interesting – write a story about a picture! Not as easy as it sounds folks.

Anyways, here’s my humble contribution. Like what you read? Check out my blog at Notions. Also, major thanks to Alex for putting this all together, and to Daisy for hosting me!

Seriously. I cannot compete with this level of awesome.

Without further adieu….



Alyssa’s hair glinted in the sunlight – flaxen strands of gold, gathered under a pale pink hat. A present from her great-aunt, it kept flopping over her brow as she wandered the city in search of her next big adventure.

She was not supposed to be there.

The child’s mother was in Italy on a business trip to discuss an important merger. They had family in Italy, and so she had left her daughter with them while she attended the meeting. No television, no gaming systems. Alyssa was wont for something to do, and so while her great-aunt was busy cooking, she slipped through the back door and set off to explore.

She had, at first, made her way through the city, and had decided in a most definite way that there was nothing there for her. That was, until, she had come upon an old ramshackle building. Finding a hole in its outer wall, she slipped through and made her way into the courtyard. It was, of course, overrun with weeds and debris. She was certain that at one point in time, this place had housed a garden of some sort, but years of neglect had turned it into something wild and untamed and absolutely magical.

Meandering her way through the garden, she giggled as a butterfly flitted from one colorful bloom to the next. Enchanted, she followed her new friend, watching as it delicately landed from one petal to the next, dancing a ballet of sorts. Alyssa could smell the aroma of the flowers as it wafted past her, and she could hear the birds singing their songs overhead. Somewhere a bee buzzed, and Alyssa decided that it was a happy sort of sound – the type of sound one made when one was truly contented with life.

It was while she was sniffing a flower that she saw it. A rabbit, white and pure, hopping under a nearby rosebush. Stepping lightly so as not to startle it, Alyssa slowly crept closer to it. She thought she caught a glimpse of something metallic – a pocket watch, perhaps? – before the creature saw her and sprinted away. She ran to catch up with it, but alas – it was to no avail. She wound her way through the gardens, slowly going deeper and deeper. Before Alyssa knew it, she was lost. Her shoes scuffed on the cobblestones as she looked around, bewildered but not frightened.

Turning to her left, she caught a flash of white go around the corner – perhaps it was the rabbit! She crept over to the wall, and slowly peered around it….

Random

I don't often have the energy to convey philosophical thoughts, but this thought felt very important.

I found the blog Licentious Living after doing a google search on a novel I'm reading (I'm reading The Namesake, if you care). I "randomly" clicked on a post in the archives and found this gem:

Random, in its scientised avatar is embedded in the theory of entropy ... Entropy is a thermodynamic property that is a measure of the energy not available for useful work in a thermodynamic process, such as in energy conversion devices, engines, or machines. During this work entropy accumulates in the system, but has to be removed by dissipation in the form of waste heat. Which is to say that every work produces a certain entity which is utterly useless and is potent in rendering the whole system orderless. Which is to say that every random act has the potential to undermine the not-so-random. And every second spent on getting the random, said or done, is in a way, contributing to the entropy of the bio-system.

You can read the full post here.

In other words, the more I push off work and consume myself with "random" google searches, the more I build up entropy--a useless, restless energy that perhaps needs to be channeled into a more efficient system. But, there is revolutionary energy in the random because it undermines the the structure as it stands. At the societal level, the perfect example of this is a flash mob:



Flash mobs are silly, fun and often done without a clear political motivation. But they also wake people up and make them think. They provoke people to take in their surroundings and reconsider their relationship with their environment, much like Shepard Fairey's experiments with phenomenology.

The political implications of this are quite radical. What if there were enough randomness--enough entropy--to render the entire system of capitalism, structural and institutional power completely useless?! How awesome would that be? It's probably attempted every year by anarchists and obviously has never worked. But it could be so amazing.

So maybe my inefficiency--my entropy--isn't a problem in itself. I'd like to think of it instead as rebellion--as a reminder that not everything "productive" that's required of me is going to feed the needy and stop exploitation. If my lack of productivity holds me back from conquering the external world of inequality and awfulness, my entropy gives rise to a creative, boundless world within. Random is an inner world that everyone needs to change the external world.