Browsing other blogs on the 20sb network--and being unimpressed by some of them--got me thinking:
Should I blog for myself--as I largely have been--or should I blog for a community that has yet to take shape?
I DO NOT BLOG TO GET READERS--rather, I envision being in constant discussion with other curious, serious people and that's what I feel I haven't yet achieved. The purpose of this blog was to connect with other bloggers, but I'm really struggling with making that happen for a few reasons.
1. Bloggers are self-centered. They live for comments and self-validation but don't like to spend a lot of time giving shape to other bloggers' muck by way of feedback. I started this blog determined to be different, but networking with other bloggers can be tiresome until you've honed in on the few with common interests. I've found a few blogs that I genuinely enjoy reading--on these I comment and express genuine adoration. But they are operated by people who either get too many readers to care about connecting with me or have completely different subject interests.
2. My blog is boring. I don't mean that to provoke self-validating comments--trust me, I don't need to feel any more special than I already do. But I don't have any clear "hook" that would bring people back here unless they know me. I think my lack of readers comes from a lack of focus for the blog as a whole. I started off wanting to talk about politics a ton more, but I've been gravitating to personal issues because that's my main worry in life right now. Which brings me to my third point...
3. Personal issues are difficult for unknown bloggers to muster up a following around unless they're REALLY niche and resonate with readers in the same position--like abuse or weight-loss. I'm in a community of 20 somethings struggling with the same issues, but we all have extremely different ways of approaching our identity issues. It's staggeringly difficult to build a community around an issue as vague as launching into adulthood.
The only way I can make this blog do what I want it to do is if I unapologetically be myself. I have to blog for myself and risk boring everyone who doesn't know me so that I can at least find my voice. That will eventually help me find what I want to discover about the world. So to all bloggers who feel guilty about being self-centered, boring, or are wallowing in self-pity for not having followers: fuck it. You're here for yourself. This is your space to stutter and drone until you sing with a clear voice. Don't worry about the rest--just let it happen.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The Ex Spector
From time to time I find myself drifting into comparing the people I date with my exes. I think about how much better my new guy is for me than the last one was, how I wish new guy would have such-and-such quality that the ex had etc. It gets me stuck in a rut and I miss out on enjoying the person for who they are.
It's hard to escape it, especially if my date and I are with a group of friends who knew my ex and harp on how much they miss him. Yes, that happened, and I'm ashamed that I started it. But this is something I can fix quickly since I never had strong feelings for my ex.
According to this article the remedy is to live in the present instead of the past. The article outlines three "personalities" --Ladies X, Y and Z--who bring up their exes in various capacities; they either talk about his charms, his flaws, or just mindlessly allude to their moments together to fill gaps in the conversation. At different moments I have committed all three errors. Thinking about my ex and constantly comparing--even trying to become--my date's ex are products of not living in the present; they are attempts to live through the lens of my past
Living in the NOW is an integral part of getting through a quarter life crisis. It's a way of life that can give me direction professionally and personally. For an example:
He told me that he loves my passion for what I am studying. The truth is that while I'm passionate about Marxism and equality I'm also going through a phase where I'm finding out that I haven't been working very hard or productively for these causes, and I may not want to. I guess it is important for him to believe that no matter what I do, I'll be passionate and feel good about doing it. I no longer need to find myself, but I need to blaze my trail bit by bit every day. And I'm struggling very much with getting started. I don't think good intentions are enough to keep a guy as great as he is.
My solution is to live in the present moment, figure out the experiences I need right now and start blazing that trail. I'll have to work my ass off to make sure everything will come together. But if I do it right...hey, maybe it will.
It's hard to escape it, especially if my date and I are with a group of friends who knew my ex and harp on how much they miss him. Yes, that happened, and I'm ashamed that I started it. But this is something I can fix quickly since I never had strong feelings for my ex.
According to this article the remedy is to live in the present instead of the past. The article outlines three "personalities" --Ladies X, Y and Z--who bring up their exes in various capacities; they either talk about his charms, his flaws, or just mindlessly allude to their moments together to fill gaps in the conversation. At different moments I have committed all three errors. Thinking about my ex and constantly comparing--even trying to become--my date's ex are products of not living in the present; they are attempts to live through the lens of my past
Living in the NOW is an integral part of getting through a quarter life crisis. It's a way of life that can give me direction professionally and personally. For an example:
He told me that he loves my passion for what I am studying. The truth is that while I'm passionate about Marxism and equality I'm also going through a phase where I'm finding out that I haven't been working very hard or productively for these causes, and I may not want to. I guess it is important for him to believe that no matter what I do, I'll be passionate and feel good about doing it. I no longer need to find myself, but I need to blaze my trail bit by bit every day. And I'm struggling very much with getting started. I don't think good intentions are enough to keep a guy as great as he is.
My solution is to live in the present moment, figure out the experiences I need right now and start blazing that trail. I'll have to work my ass off to make sure everything will come together. But if I do it right...hey, maybe it will.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The discipline of being
Given to act only when I have that urgent visceral compulsion to meet a deadline, I don't consider myself a hard worker. I'm laid back and don't really stress myself unless and until I REALLY need to.
As a college senior with two majors and occasionally a job, this is problematic.
I'm starting to realize that it takes a habit of discipline to accomplish anything, be it homework or a blog post. I'm letting deadlines, assignments, and other opportunities to improve and prove myself to the job market slip through my fingers. This ain't good, folks.
So I present to you, imaginary reader, my plan for task management and self discipline. Both are important and related in my quest for greatness. I don't think it's necessary to schedule every hour of the day, but proper planning can take you a long way.
1.) Prioritize
Some brilliant soul came up with this great hierarchy to prioritize tasks.
a.) Deadline is soon and importance high
b.) Importance is low but deadline is soon
c.) Importance is high but deadline is later
d.) Importance low and deadline is later
2.) Deadlines
I've also resolved to set deadlines FOR EVERYTHING. And to never miss one. Ever. In practice, this will be difficult, but life is too short to push back deadlines...because that just makes you push back other deadlines.
3.) Involving friends
This undertaking is something I cannot do alone. I will need friends to help keep me accountable. That's why I have this blog. I'm finding that I take goals more seriously when I share them with other people because the next time I see them they'll be like, "Oh, did you finally apply for/do/kick ass in____?" And it makes for an awkward situation when I say "no," especially when the other person is someone I particularly care to leave a good impression with.
I'm going to have to track my progress with homework and personal deadlines, and not every checklist will make for an interesting blog. So I'll keep a task manager for me to look at personally and share my progress maybe every couple of weeks. I know I don't have any readers here yet, but when I do, won't you please share some task management tips with me?
Yes, *rubs hands* this shall come along nicely.
As a college senior with two majors and occasionally a job, this is problematic.
I'm starting to realize that it takes a habit of discipline to accomplish anything, be it homework or a blog post. I'm letting deadlines, assignments, and other opportunities to improve and prove myself to the job market slip through my fingers. This ain't good, folks.
So I present to you, imaginary reader, my plan for task management and self discipline. Both are important and related in my quest for greatness. I don't think it's necessary to schedule every hour of the day, but proper planning can take you a long way.
1.) Prioritize
Some brilliant soul came up with this great hierarchy to prioritize tasks.
a.) Deadline is soon and importance high
b.) Importance is low but deadline is soon
c.) Importance is high but deadline is later
d.) Importance low and deadline is later
2.) Deadlines
I've also resolved to set deadlines FOR EVERYTHING. And to never miss one. Ever. In practice, this will be difficult, but life is too short to push back deadlines...because that just makes you push back other deadlines.
3.) Involving friends
This undertaking is something I cannot do alone. I will need friends to help keep me accountable. That's why I have this blog. I'm finding that I take goals more seriously when I share them with other people because the next time I see them they'll be like, "Oh, did you finally apply for/do/kick ass in____?" And it makes for an awkward situation when I say "no," especially when the other person is someone I particularly care to leave a good impression with.
I'm going to have to track my progress with homework and personal deadlines, and not every checklist will make for an interesting blog. So I'll keep a task manager for me to look at personally and share my progress maybe every couple of weeks. I know I don't have any readers here yet, but when I do, won't you please share some task management tips with me?
Yes, *rubs hands* this shall come along nicely.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Humanity
I consider this post a pretty unsound piece of writing, but it reflects the world as I see it in the most general terms. This is part of why I'm starting to lose faith in activism. We have to burn this mother down. The only way to move forward is via destruction.
Due to it's ubiquity in the news, the BP oil rig explosion and recent developments in the Bhopal Disaster set me off to thinking about doomsday scenarios and the value of mankind. I know meditations on karma are cliche, but I really have to sort this out for myself.
Karma makes sense on a large-scale level. Everything that has ever been said or done has extremely far-reaching effects, and there have been enough books and movies made (Butterfly Effect...and others) to illustrate this. But our impact on the environment--which has been summarily awful--is pinching us in the butt. Birth defects, cancer and obesity are all making our brains and/or bodies slower, simpler. Diseases are killing us off in huge numbers.
Earth pushing back. Nature's tendency for equilibrium. Homeostasis. Whatever you want to call it, you know it's happening.
Development is a fucking disease so humans (rather, we. I keep forgetting to include myself in this) have to be wiped out or slowed down. We have caused most of the shit that's killing us and the rest of the planet. We need to reduce consumption, and the only way that will ever happen is if we reduce our numbers. The only thing that is being rewarded in the dominant culture is maximization of profits.
I don't want to fight against cancer. I don't want to fight against anything that slows the 'developed' world down. This "fight" --this battle against the plagues of humanity--is not equal. The people least damaging to the world are being killed off at a greater rate than those who should be stopped. It's a disgusting but true fact.
Activists and Marxists understand that a lot is at stake, and with each political defeat of the left the world is moving faster to a globalized, capitalist disaster. Humanity will forever change the face of the earth.
Rather than work to reverse or slow down this trend, I see myself working to make amends with the world. I see myself working to humanize capitalism, help people whenever I can, and raise a family. Working for the private sector is okay if I don't compromise on my morals. Right now, the only thing I refuse to do in my corporate career is directly stand in the way of unions and their bargaining rights and be complicit with unethical decisions.
I can no longer refuse to be a cog in the machine. But I can still refuse to be an unthinking, depoliticized cog in the machine.
Due to it's ubiquity in the news, the BP oil rig explosion and recent developments in the Bhopal Disaster set me off to thinking about doomsday scenarios and the value of mankind. I know meditations on karma are cliche, but I really have to sort this out for myself.
Karma makes sense on a large-scale level. Everything that has ever been said or done has extremely far-reaching effects, and there have been enough books and movies made (Butterfly Effect...and others) to illustrate this. But our impact on the environment--which has been summarily awful--is pinching us in the butt. Birth defects, cancer and obesity are all making our brains and/or bodies slower, simpler. Diseases are killing us off in huge numbers.
Earth pushing back. Nature's tendency for equilibrium. Homeostasis. Whatever you want to call it, you know it's happening.
Development is a fucking disease so humans (rather, we. I keep forgetting to include myself in this) have to be wiped out or slowed down. We have caused most of the shit that's killing us and the rest of the planet. We need to reduce consumption, and the only way that will ever happen is if we reduce our numbers. The only thing that is being rewarded in the dominant culture is maximization of profits.
I don't want to fight against cancer. I don't want to fight against anything that slows the 'developed' world down. This "fight" --this battle against the plagues of humanity--is not equal. The people least damaging to the world are being killed off at a greater rate than those who should be stopped. It's a disgusting but true fact.
Activists and Marxists understand that a lot is at stake, and with each political defeat of the left the world is moving faster to a globalized, capitalist disaster. Humanity will forever change the face of the earth.
Rather than work to reverse or slow down this trend, I see myself working to make amends with the world. I see myself working to humanize capitalism, help people whenever I can, and raise a family. Working for the private sector is okay if I don't compromise on my morals. Right now, the only thing I refuse to do in my corporate career is directly stand in the way of unions and their bargaining rights and be complicit with unethical decisions.
I can no longer refuse to be a cog in the machine. But I can still refuse to be an unthinking, depoliticized cog in the machine.
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