I'll be traveling through Los Angeles for four days next week by myself. I originally thought I could couch surf but I think I need to be more active in the local community for couchsurfing hosts to accept my requests. Right now I just kind of look like a crazy, selfish person with no friends who wants free accommodation. Couchsurfing is a safe community because most of the members have been vouched for by other members, so I feel little apprehension about asking to stay at a man's house. However, I just had a surf request denied by an experienced host. Though he was likely put off by my newness to the site and the fact that no one has vouched for me on my profile, my knee-jerk interpretation was that he was hinting a lone female traveler probably shouldn't request to stay in an unknown man's home.
Traveling by myself doesn't strike me as scary because I often travel alone (in fact, whenever I've traveled I've been alone). I love being independent and I firmly believe women can do anything if they don't let others stop them. Being afraid of being on our own is a product of oppression, I think. We have to fight that fear. We have to not let others instill self-doubt or stop us from realizing our independence.
But people have tried.
My mother reduced me to tears last year when I told her I wanted to spend a weekend in New York City by myself. "You haven't proven to me that you're ready to do this," she said, among other baseless assaults on my intelligence and maturity that I have never under any other context heard her say. After I pulled myself together I realized that she was only saying that to keep me safe; the thought of me traveling alone scares her a great deal more than it scares me.
I think my independence might be considered foolhardy by others, but there is no better way to gain independence and self confidence than by letting ourselves be open and vulnerable to others (...who have been vouched for). My request was probably denied because I have yet to prove to people in my own community that I am worthy of others' hospitality. But as I travel I'll wonder if others are doubting me because I am young, female and on my own.
If you are a female traveler, please share your thoughts!
I am not a female traveler, but I have friends who have dealt with that problem. Last fall I was traveling through west Africa with a couple girls and at for about six weeks, we split up and went to different villages and ended up meeting again in Dakar. People didn't think it was strange for me to be traveling by myself, but the girls had more problems, such as men heckling them and women trying to mother them (of course being white americans, they stood out as obvious travelers). Even in the US, when I see a a girl hitchhiking, I always wonder at the wisdom of it, when it is just as safe or unsafe for a boy.
ReplyDeleteAs far as couchsurfing, the person just may not have been in a position to host anyone, so there could have been many reasons.