The Ex Spector

From time to time I find myself drifting into comparing the people I date with my exes. I think about how much better my new guy is for me than the last one was, how I wish new guy would have such-and-such quality that the ex had etc. It gets me stuck in a rut and I miss out on enjoying the person for who they are.

It's hard to escape it, especially if my date and I are with a group of friends who knew my ex and harp on how much they miss him. Yes, that happened, and I'm ashamed that I started it. But this is something I can fix quickly since I never had strong feelings for my ex.

According to this article the remedy is to live in the present instead of the past. The article outlines three "personalities" --Ladies X, Y and Z--who bring up their exes in various capacities; they either talk about his charms, his flaws, or just mindlessly allude to their moments together to fill gaps in the conversation. At different moments I have committed all three errors. Thinking about my ex and constantly comparing--even trying to become--my date's ex are products of not living in the present; they are attempts to live through the lens of my past

Living in the NOW is an integral part of getting through a quarter life crisis. It's a way of life that can give me direction professionally and personally. For an example:

He told me that he loves my passion for what I am studying. The truth is that while I'm passionate about Marxism and equality I'm also going through a phase where I'm finding out that I haven't been working very hard or productively for these causes, and I may not want to. I guess it is important for him to believe that no matter what I do, I'll be passionate and feel good about doing it. I no longer need to find myself, but I need to blaze my trail bit by bit every day. And I'm struggling very much with getting started. I don't think good intentions are enough to keep a guy as great as he is.

My solution is to live in the present moment, figure out the experiences I need right now and start blazing that trail. I'll have to work my ass off to make sure everything will come together. But if I do it right...hey, maybe it will.

My banner is shit: an explanation

My banner has a very juvenile quality. It's the Microsoft Paint equivalent of a 6-year-old's freestyle self portrait by way of crayons, colored pencils and color block stamps. Whatever. I meant for it to look that way. Kind of...

I'm no artist; I do not pour over making things presentable or in *carefully* conveying visual messages. I reserve that energy for writing, and even there I take a lot less care than I should.

So why did I bother to make my own banner?

1. I wanted to try it. It's a quick check to see if I had any knack for creating something on a very basic art program. I was inspired by the legendary comic Ali at hyperboleandahalf who creates magic with the paint program on her Mac. Clearly, I suck. It was a humbling experience that I may repeat just for fun. I actually used to draw during high school--my art teacher even encouraged me to join the magnet arts program. But I was never very motivated and my artistic energy died by the end of my junior year; I was tired of being upstaged by my more talented friends. Now, I'm facing my fear of failure, opening myself up for judgment, and will probably grow faster than was until now.

2. This blog needs a personal touch--even a half-assed childish one. Reading some of my entries, I tend to sound like an academic sometimes, and that's not a good thing. I occasionally sound stuffier than real academics like Lauren (though there's no reason she would ever sound stuffy since she has a background in creative writing). I could blame college; I haven't focused on developing my own voice since I wrote my first post for this blog in 2009. It has a more conversational tone than many of the posts that came after because I hadn't written many academic papers back then. Blogs are supposed to be conversational.

So yeah, my banner sucks. If you'd like to make me a new one, I'd take you up on it. Since no one is going to offer, I'll probably take a stab at creating my own again, but maybe not through Paint.

Lone female travelers

I'll be traveling through Los Angeles for four days next week by myself. I originally thought I could couch surf but I think I need to be more active in the local community for couchsurfing hosts to accept my requests. Right now I just kind of look like a crazy, selfish person with no friends who wants free accommodation. Couchsurfing is a safe community because most of the members have been vouched for by other members, so I feel little apprehension about asking to stay at a man's house. However, I just had a surf request denied by an experienced host. Though he was likely put off by my newness to the site and the fact that no one has vouched for me on my profile, my knee-jerk interpretation was that he was hinting a lone female traveler probably shouldn't request to stay in an unknown man's home.

Traveling by myself doesn't strike me as scary because I often travel alone (in fact, whenever I've traveled I've been alone). I love being independent and I firmly believe women can do anything if they don't let others stop them. Being afraid of being on our own is a product of oppression, I think. We have to fight that fear. We have to not let others instill self-doubt or stop us from realizing our independence.

But people have tried.

My mother reduced me to tears last year when I told her I wanted to spend a weekend in New York City by myself. "You haven't proven to me that you're ready to do this," she said, among other baseless assaults on my intelligence and maturity that I have never under any other context heard her say. After I pulled myself together I realized that she was only saying that to keep me safe; the thought of me traveling alone scares her a great deal more than it scares me.

I think my independence might be considered foolhardy by others, but there is no better way to gain independence and self confidence than by letting ourselves be open and vulnerable to others (...who have been vouched for). My request was probably denied because I have yet to prove to people in my own community that I am worthy of others' hospitality. But as I travel I'll wonder if others are doubting me because I am young, female and on my own.

If you are a female traveler, please share your thoughts!

Bloggerstock~

Thanks to Nyx for this fantastic bloggerstock post!! Mine will be on Syrah's as soon as I finish it.




The prompt was to respond to a picture, that I can't link to at the moment. I'll have it up here asap. Just belive me when I say this story captures the mood and content beautifully!

Hey all, Nyx here. This month’s bloggerstock was interesting – write a story about a picture! Not as easy as it sounds folks.

Anyways, here’s my humble contribution. Like what you read? Check out my blog at Notions. Also, major thanks to Alex for putting this all together, and to Daisy for hosting me!

Seriously. I cannot compete with this level of awesome.

Without further adieu….



Alyssa’s hair glinted in the sunlight – flaxen strands of gold, gathered under a pale pink hat. A present from her great-aunt, it kept flopping over her brow as she wandered the city in search of her next big adventure.

She was not supposed to be there.

The child’s mother was in Italy on a business trip to discuss an important merger. They had family in Italy, and so she had left her daughter with them while she attended the meeting. No television, no gaming systems. Alyssa was wont for something to do, and so while her great-aunt was busy cooking, she slipped through the back door and set off to explore.

She had, at first, made her way through the city, and had decided in a most definite way that there was nothing there for her. That was, until, she had come upon an old ramshackle building. Finding a hole in its outer wall, she slipped through and made her way into the courtyard. It was, of course, overrun with weeds and debris. She was certain that at one point in time, this place had housed a garden of some sort, but years of neglect had turned it into something wild and untamed and absolutely magical.

Meandering her way through the garden, she giggled as a butterfly flitted from one colorful bloom to the next. Enchanted, she followed her new friend, watching as it delicately landed from one petal to the next, dancing a ballet of sorts. Alyssa could smell the aroma of the flowers as it wafted past her, and she could hear the birds singing their songs overhead. Somewhere a bee buzzed, and Alyssa decided that it was a happy sort of sound – the type of sound one made when one was truly contented with life.

It was while she was sniffing a flower that she saw it. A rabbit, white and pure, hopping under a nearby rosebush. Stepping lightly so as not to startle it, Alyssa slowly crept closer to it. She thought she caught a glimpse of something metallic – a pocket watch, perhaps? – before the creature saw her and sprinted away. She ran to catch up with it, but alas – it was to no avail. She wound her way through the gardens, slowly going deeper and deeper. Before Alyssa knew it, she was lost. Her shoes scuffed on the cobblestones as she looked around, bewildered but not frightened.

Turning to her left, she caught a flash of white go around the corner – perhaps it was the rabbit! She crept over to the wall, and slowly peered around it….

Random

I don't often have the energy to convey philosophical thoughts, but this thought felt very important.

I found the blog Licentious Living after doing a google search on a novel I'm reading (I'm reading The Namesake, if you care). I "randomly" clicked on a post in the archives and found this gem:

Random, in its scientised avatar is embedded in the theory of entropy ... Entropy is a thermodynamic property that is a measure of the energy not available for useful work in a thermodynamic process, such as in energy conversion devices, engines, or machines. During this work entropy accumulates in the system, but has to be removed by dissipation in the form of waste heat. Which is to say that every work produces a certain entity which is utterly useless and is potent in rendering the whole system orderless. Which is to say that every random act has the potential to undermine the not-so-random. And every second spent on getting the random, said or done, is in a way, contributing to the entropy of the bio-system.

You can read the full post here.

In other words, the more I push off work and consume myself with "random" google searches, the more I build up entropy--a useless, restless energy that perhaps needs to be channeled into a more efficient system. But, there is revolutionary energy in the random because it undermines the the structure as it stands. At the societal level, the perfect example of this is a flash mob:



Flash mobs are silly, fun and often done without a clear political motivation. But they also wake people up and make them think. They provoke people to take in their surroundings and reconsider their relationship with their environment, much like Shepard Fairey's experiments with phenomenology.

The political implications of this are quite radical. What if there were enough randomness--enough entropy--to render the entire system of capitalism, structural and institutional power completely useless?! How awesome would that be? It's probably attempted every year by anarchists and obviously has never worked. But it could be so amazing.

So maybe my inefficiency--my entropy--isn't a problem in itself. I'd like to think of it instead as rebellion--as a reminder that not everything "productive" that's required of me is going to feed the needy and stop exploitation. If my lack of productivity holds me back from conquering the external world of inequality and awfulness, my entropy gives rise to a creative, boundless world within. Random is an inner world that everyone needs to change the external world.

Bloggerstock: Stop the world--I want to get on/off

But first, a message from Dapper Daisy:
It's bloggerstock--where bloggers respond to a bloggerstock prompt and have their posts hosted on another blogger's site. Big thanks to Tazim for the following post. You can check out my post on Booya's wall at www.booyabobby.com. Enjoy!
________________________________________________

Hello Dapper Daisy readers! This is Tazim from the Being Tazim blog - about art, home décor, and handmade products. I am here today to share with you my Bloggerstock post.

"Stop the world, I want to get on/off"



Have you ever had a moment where you realized that you just want the world to stop? Maybe it was because you realized you were missing something, or maybe it was because you just wanted a minute to breathe. Tell us about a moment like this that you had.

What would this be like - Quantum Leap, where the 'real' person Sam leaps into is transported elsewhere for a certain amount of time - their world, essentially stopping momentarily? Or like the holodeck on Star Trek - where one goes inside to escape their real life and can easily step back in to it again, when they're done adventuring?

Leaving Canada for a year exchange in New Zealand felt a bit like being transported to a whole different world. If only the exploration could have lasted longer without taking out any more time from my life. Think about the possibilities = what would YOU do if you could make things stop for a moment?

While in New Zealand I lived differently because of financial barriers - but this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I spent a lot of time catching up on old tv shows and movies that I'd missed in the last 5 years of not having a tv/cable. University life had been so hectic, coupled with having to work part time as well - but in New Zealand I couldn't work (legally) and classes were much more laid-back. Was this what I needed? Was I missing peace and relaxation? Maybe I needed to step away from My Home and Native Land to really appreciate it, too. Being in New Zealand made me realize how much I want to just travel in my life, and explore, and try new things. It made me realise that university life/ academia just isn't for me.

 
You can read the guest post on my own blog, written by Anna from http://aheartforall.blogspot.com/, right here.

A global media informed by U.S. political interests

In "Google Earth and the nation state: Sovereignty in the age of new media," Sangeet Kumar contends that new media entities pose a threat to national sovereignty because of their "borderless" nature and resistance to state regulation. Though he focuses his analysis on Google, I can see how his concerns can be extended to Twitter and Facebook in the future. With Last Moyo's analysis of CNN and Xinhua's coverage of the Tibetan crisis as an example, I argue that global new media entities do pose a challenge to national sovereignty but only to the extent that they spread the economic and social norms of a neoliberal world order.

Moyo's case study shows how media entities inevitably reflect the values and interests of their targeted national audiences. He shows how CNN constructed the Tibetan crisis as a struggle for cultural autonomy from an authoritarian Chinese regime. In portraying the Tibetan protests as "legitimate dissent," CNN examined China's human rights abuses against western notions of freedom and human rights. In selectively approaching this conflict rather than the Palestinian or other US-involved conflicts from a human rights angle, CNN failed to point out the hypocrisy of the United States' condemnation of China. The resulting news product also failed to bring out the complexities of the situation, including the plurality of Tibetans' demands and the historical context of Chinese and Tibetan views. Chinese-sponsored Xinhua, on the other hand, delegitimized the Tibetan protesters by portraying them as a western-backed threat to Chinese unity and economic dominance.

The CNN narrative, Moyo says, was the inevitable result of neoliberal policies and discourse that allow for western dominance of the global financial and political landscape. The Xinhua narrative, however, was the result of the Chinese seeing international narratives as unfair and threatening to national unity.

While media entities like CNN and Google do pose a threat to national sovereignty through their resistance to national regulatory bodies, when countries like China and India recognize the threat they pose to imagined national unity, they either develop a counter narrative--like Xinhua--or coerce the media into cooperation--like India. The power a nation has to do this will largely depend on the whether the market forces at work can effectively persuade media entities to oblige. China's response to international media through Xinhua reflects a strong resistance to becoming a subject of the new global media.

As media entities gain momentum, the nation state may have to decide whether to develop a counter narrative and risk being seen as a stubborn "rogue" state in the growing cultural and political consensus, or to negotiate with these forces.

References

Kumar, Sangeet. “Google Earth and the Nation State — Global Media and Communication.” Global Media and Communication. SAGE, Aug. 2010. Web. 30 Jan. 2011. .

Moyo, Last. “The Global Citizen and the International Media : A Comparative Analysis of CNN and Xinhua’s Coverage of the Tibetan Crisis.” International Communication Gazette. SAGE, Mar. 2010. Web. 30 Jan. 2011. .